Special Ed Moms
Provided by Lowry-Fritz Special Education Law Consulting Services
Provided by Lowry-Fritz Special Education Law Consulting Services
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| Thoughts on raising a special needs child. Read on... |
Disclaimer:
The information on this website does not constitute legal advice. It is solely for
informational and educational purposes. It is not intended to be a legal
recommendation, nor should it substitute for obtaining legal counsel from your own
attorney. It may or may not represent the current law in your state or locality.
The information on this website does not constitute legal advice. It is solely for
informational and educational purposes. It is not intended to be a legal
recommendation, nor should it substitute for obtaining legal counsel from your own
attorney. It may or may not represent the current law in your state or locality.
| "Basic Training" Special Education Law Tutorial Program for Parents |
* 75 minute audio CD
* Student Workbook
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* Covers IDEA 2004,
IEPs, and Advocacy
Strategies
* Student Workbook
* Student Manual
* Covers IDEA 2004,
IEPs, and Advocacy
Strategies
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| Your Child's Special Education Rights, (100+ pages) by Maureen A. Lowry-Fritz, J.D.,M.A. |
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| Thoughts From Past Weeks... |
"Live your life so that your children
can tell their children that you not only
stand for something wonderful - you
acted upon it."
-Dan Zadra
can tell their children that you not only
stand for something wonderful - you
acted upon it."
-Dan Zadra
| Mom's Perspective... |
I try to live my life so that my children look up to me and
respect me. That's a hard job, because they notice
EVERYTHING. I've learned that I can't get away with
just paying "lip service" to living a good life. I have to
actually LIVE a good life. Or, they will call me on it.
It's not enough to just tell them to be nice people. They
have to actually see me being nice - whether it is to my
husband, my parents, the grocery store employees, the
doctors, or their teachers.
It's not enough to believe that reading book is important.
They have to experience me reading to them, and they
have to see me reading books myself.
Likewise, it's not enough to simply tell them to "stand for
something." They need to see me do it.
I know that my own parents shaped and molded my life by
the way they lived their own. They didn't just say, "school
is important." They dedicated their professional lives to
teaching. They kept track of my progress in school. They
read to me. They helped me with my homework. They
made me re-do assignments that weren't up to par. They
lived their life in such a way, that I will tell my grandchildren
about them.
I have made the decision to stand up for children with
special needs. It's not enough to just talk about it at
dinner. I need to act on it. That is why I started Special
Ed Moms. My kids are watching me. I really want to set
an example for them. I want them to look at me as a role
model. I want them to talk about me in the same way that
I talk about my parents.
respect me. That's a hard job, because they notice
EVERYTHING. I've learned that I can't get away with
just paying "lip service" to living a good life. I have to
actually LIVE a good life. Or, they will call me on it.
It's not enough to just tell them to be nice people. They
have to actually see me being nice - whether it is to my
husband, my parents, the grocery store employees, the
doctors, or their teachers.
It's not enough to believe that reading book is important.
They have to experience me reading to them, and they
have to see me reading books myself.
Likewise, it's not enough to simply tell them to "stand for
something." They need to see me do it.
I know that my own parents shaped and molded my life by
the way they lived their own. They didn't just say, "school
is important." They dedicated their professional lives to
teaching. They kept track of my progress in school. They
read to me. They helped me with my homework. They
made me re-do assignments that weren't up to par. They
lived their life in such a way, that I will tell my grandchildren
about them.
I have made the decision to stand up for children with
special needs. It's not enough to just talk about it at
dinner. I need to act on it. That is why I started Special
Ed Moms. My kids are watching me. I really want to set
an example for them. I want them to look at me as a role
model. I want them to talk about me in the same way that
I talk about my parents.
"Often you have to rely on your
intuition."
-Bill Gates
intuition."
-Bill Gates
If Bill Gates only knew how true this is for "special ed
moms!"
Most days, I feel that intuition is all I have! I'm an in
continual pursuit of deciphering my childrens' learning
style. I'm always working to discover the best way to
teach them. I am still searching for the most appropriate
way to handle certain unacceptable behaviors. Sure, there
are some very helpful books out there. There are also
websites that provide great information. But for me, the
majority of the time, it comes down to intution.
I am confident that I know my children better than anyone.
I definitely rely on input from teachers and doctors.
They have knowledge and expertise that I don't have.
But, I always compare their opinion to my own instincts.
Many times, I am on the same page as the professionals.
Other times, I am out there on my own.
It's important to remember to trust your knowledge of
your own child. We have insights that others couldn't
possibly have.
My dad gave me some great advice. He told me to base
all of my decisions are on the love I have for my children.
If I let my love guide all of my decisions, I can be
comfortable with all of my choices...even those that turn
out to be wrong!
moms!"
Most days, I feel that intuition is all I have! I'm an in
continual pursuit of deciphering my childrens' learning
style. I'm always working to discover the best way to
teach them. I am still searching for the most appropriate
way to handle certain unacceptable behaviors. Sure, there
are some very helpful books out there. There are also
websites that provide great information. But for me, the
majority of the time, it comes down to intution.
I am confident that I know my children better than anyone.
I definitely rely on input from teachers and doctors.
They have knowledge and expertise that I don't have.
But, I always compare their opinion to my own instincts.
Many times, I am on the same page as the professionals.
Other times, I am out there on my own.
It's important to remember to trust your knowledge of
your own child. We have insights that others couldn't
possibly have.
My dad gave me some great advice. He told me to base
all of my decisions are on the love I have for my children.
If I let my love guide all of my decisions, I can be
comfortable with all of my choices...even those that turn
out to be wrong!
"All of our dreams can come true - if
we have the courage to pursue them."
-Walt Disney
we have the courage to pursue them."
-Walt Disney
| Mom's Perspective... |
| Mom's Perspective... |
I really think that this is true. Of course, it doesn't
work if your dream is something unrealistic like, "I wish
a million dollars would appear in my hand." (Believe
me, I've tried.) Those types of 'dreams' are fantasy.
But I do think it works for 'real life' stuff. Sometimes
you just have to be a little creative.
I used to dream that I could have a "real" mother-child
relationship with my daughter. At that time, she was
nonverbal, and barely aware of my presence in the
room. I was very lonely, and dreamed and dreamed
of us having a wonderful friendship. I envied other
moms of the problems that come up in a typical
mom-daughter relationship. I sat at my parents'
kitchen table crying, telling them how I wished that one
day I would deal with those "typical teenage girl
problems" like talking back, slamming doors, etc.
So, I summoned the courage to pursue my dream. I
didn't know if she had the ability to ever talk, but I
worked as if she did. If the ability was buried
somewhere inside of her, I would bring it out, or die
trying. My husband and I read books, searched
on-line, and did hours and hours of play therapy with
her.
But, I knew that there was, indeed, a chance that she
simply did not have the ability to talk. The fact of the
matter is, some people remain nonverbal their whole
lives. So, how would I have a mother-daughter
relationship with her if she were to remain non-verbal?
This is where the real work began. I had to do a lot of
soul-searching. The courage to pursue my dream
involved altering the parameters of my dream. It
involved expanding my previous notion of a
mom-daughter relationship. Or, actually, shrinking that
concept down to its very core.
When you strip away the trappings of a mom-daughter
relationship, what do you have left? When you remove
the trips to the mall, the finger nail polish, the cookie
baking sessions, what is there? Plenty.
There is a BOND. A connection that no two other
people have. You don't have to shop together. You
don't have to bake together. You don't even have to
talk to each other. All you really need is to be near
each other. To exist together. If you're lucky, to see
each other with your eyes, or even to hold hands.
I let go of all of my previous notions. I gave them up.
And what a relief it was. I didn't need to shop with her
at the GAP. I didn't need to go for walks with her. I
could still do plenty with her. I could read books to
her. I could show her pictures. Even if my relationship
with her were to simply revolve around simply stroking
her head while she slept, I was lucky. She is mine and
I am hers.
Things got easier for me when I made this realization. I
began to appreciate all that she had to offer, rather
than keep on wishing for more. I discovered that
every moment together is precious, regardless of what
we are doing.
Today, she can talk. She tells me good morning. She
tells me what she wants for lunch. She tells me what
she did at school. She tells me she loves me.
I'm glad I had to courage to pursue my dream. And if
someday she and I are fighting about her curfew, I'll
consider myself lucky.
work if your dream is something unrealistic like, "I wish
a million dollars would appear in my hand." (Believe
me, I've tried.) Those types of 'dreams' are fantasy.
But I do think it works for 'real life' stuff. Sometimes
you just have to be a little creative.
I used to dream that I could have a "real" mother-child
relationship with my daughter. At that time, she was
nonverbal, and barely aware of my presence in the
room. I was very lonely, and dreamed and dreamed
of us having a wonderful friendship. I envied other
moms of the problems that come up in a typical
mom-daughter relationship. I sat at my parents'
kitchen table crying, telling them how I wished that one
day I would deal with those "typical teenage girl
problems" like talking back, slamming doors, etc.
So, I summoned the courage to pursue my dream. I
didn't know if she had the ability to ever talk, but I
worked as if she did. If the ability was buried
somewhere inside of her, I would bring it out, or die
trying. My husband and I read books, searched
on-line, and did hours and hours of play therapy with
her.
But, I knew that there was, indeed, a chance that she
simply did not have the ability to talk. The fact of the
matter is, some people remain nonverbal their whole
lives. So, how would I have a mother-daughter
relationship with her if she were to remain non-verbal?
This is where the real work began. I had to do a lot of
soul-searching. The courage to pursue my dream
involved altering the parameters of my dream. It
involved expanding my previous notion of a
mom-daughter relationship. Or, actually, shrinking that
concept down to its very core.
When you strip away the trappings of a mom-daughter
relationship, what do you have left? When you remove
the trips to the mall, the finger nail polish, the cookie
baking sessions, what is there? Plenty.
There is a BOND. A connection that no two other
people have. You don't have to shop together. You
don't have to bake together. You don't even have to
talk to each other. All you really need is to be near
each other. To exist together. If you're lucky, to see
each other with your eyes, or even to hold hands.
I let go of all of my previous notions. I gave them up.
And what a relief it was. I didn't need to shop with her
at the GAP. I didn't need to go for walks with her. I
could still do plenty with her. I could read books to
her. I could show her pictures. Even if my relationship
with her were to simply revolve around simply stroking
her head while she slept, I was lucky. She is mine and
I am hers.
Things got easier for me when I made this realization. I
began to appreciate all that she had to offer, rather
than keep on wishing for more. I discovered that
every moment together is precious, regardless of what
we are doing.
Today, she can talk. She tells me good morning. She
tells me what she wants for lunch. She tells me what
she did at school. She tells me she loves me.
I'm glad I had to courage to pursue my dream. And if
someday she and I are fighting about her curfew, I'll
consider myself lucky.
"The best way to get to your goal is
not always a straight-line approach.
Sometimes success depends on
your ability to alter your approach
slightly to accommodate some of the
realities with which you must deal."
-Admiral James O. Ellis
not always a straight-line approach.
Sometimes success depends on
your ability to alter your approach
slightly to accommodate some of the
realities with which you must deal."
-Admiral James O. Ellis
| Mom's Perspective... |
I love this one. I love the point it makes.
I don't know if I'll ever be considered "successful."
But I do know I've sure altered my path A LOT to
reach my goals. It seems my whole adult life has been
one detour after another. But, I have LOVED the trip.
It's funny to me how sterile and impersonal this quote
sounds. It refers to altering your course "to
accommodate some of the realities with which you
must deal." Since it was spoken by an admiral, I
assume he was referring to the obstacles he faced
during his ship's journey in the seas. I guess his
"realities" were storms, rough water...pirates?
But, as sterile as the words may sound, this philosophy
definitely applies to my life in a very personal way.
My "realities" have been anything but obstacles. Mine
have been blessings.
My crazy path started to zig zag over ten years ago.
After graduating from college, I started law school at
Indiana University. I LOVED it there! I imagined
graduating, passing the bar, and spending the rest of
my professional life working for a law firm in Indiana.
But, several weeks into it, I had to "deal with my
reality." The reality was that the most wonderful
person I had ever met had been told (by the U.S.
Army, no less) to report to Germany for a three year
tour of duty. What was there to do? Of course, I
chose to "alter my course." I asked Don (now my
husband of 10+ years) to marry me. The greatest gift
of my life came when he said yes! I withdrew from
I.U. and moved to Germany for three fantastic years.
Law school would be here when I came back.
We returned home, and decided that I would re-apply
to law school. This time, I chose Loyola University in
Chicago, IL. Luckily, I loved it there, too. I settled in,
planning on graduating in 3 years and starting a fruitful
career in employment law.
Between semesters, I learned I was pregnant...with
TWINS! I was so excited, but so stressed. How
could I do law school with twins? I considered
dropping out. Instead, I chose to "alter my path." I
took all of my classes at night and on the weekend. I
studied late at night and on weekends. My husband
and our parents took care of the twins during those
hours. Basically, we took the longer, curvier path to a
law degree.
When my daughter started having her first seizures, I
once again considered dropping out of law school. I
didn't know what her future held, so I felt anxious
about my ability to do the course work. Instead of
dropping out completely, I withdrew for a semester.
That decision enabled me to take the time I needed to
sort things out. Again, it meant taking a much longer
time to complete my degree. But as the Admiral says,
"success depends on your ability to alter your
approach slightly to accommodate some of the realities
with which you must deal."
After graduating, it was time to take the Bar Exam.
Things were very unsettled with my daughter's health.
I knew it was not the right time to take on a full-time
professional commitment. I postponed taking the
exam until things were under control on the homefront.
When my path finally approached the Bar Exam one
year later, we had three children, and were expecting
our fourth. After passing the exam, I had to decide
what my professional fate would be. I considered
working for a firm or taking a judicial clerkship. These
options sounded very exciting to me. A dream come
true, actually. But, the prospect of being gone from
the four children for that much time left me feeling very
uncomfortable.
So, once again, altering my course was the solution.
Instead of working for someone else, I decided to
start Special Ed Moms, and stay at home!
My path to marriage, family, and a legal career has
been lengthy, circuitous and indirect. Surprises and
developments in my life have caused me to take many
detours along the way. In the words of Admiral Ellis,
I have indeed, "altered my course" to deal with life's
"realities." But, I have loved my journey. And the
"realities" causing the twists and turns have been the
best parts!
I don't know if I'll ever be considered "successful."
But I do know I've sure altered my path A LOT to
reach my goals. It seems my whole adult life has been
one detour after another. But, I have LOVED the trip.
It's funny to me how sterile and impersonal this quote
sounds. It refers to altering your course "to
accommodate some of the realities with which you
must deal." Since it was spoken by an admiral, I
assume he was referring to the obstacles he faced
during his ship's journey in the seas. I guess his
"realities" were storms, rough water...pirates?
But, as sterile as the words may sound, this philosophy
definitely applies to my life in a very personal way.
My "realities" have been anything but obstacles. Mine
have been blessings.
My crazy path started to zig zag over ten years ago.
After graduating from college, I started law school at
Indiana University. I LOVED it there! I imagined
graduating, passing the bar, and spending the rest of
my professional life working for a law firm in Indiana.
But, several weeks into it, I had to "deal with my
reality." The reality was that the most wonderful
person I had ever met had been told (by the U.S.
Army, no less) to report to Germany for a three year
tour of duty. What was there to do? Of course, I
chose to "alter my course." I asked Don (now my
husband of 10+ years) to marry me. The greatest gift
of my life came when he said yes! I withdrew from
I.U. and moved to Germany for three fantastic years.
Law school would be here when I came back.
We returned home, and decided that I would re-apply
to law school. This time, I chose Loyola University in
Chicago, IL. Luckily, I loved it there, too. I settled in,
planning on graduating in 3 years and starting a fruitful
career in employment law.
Between semesters, I learned I was pregnant...with
TWINS! I was so excited, but so stressed. How
could I do law school with twins? I considered
dropping out. Instead, I chose to "alter my path." I
took all of my classes at night and on the weekend. I
studied late at night and on weekends. My husband
and our parents took care of the twins during those
hours. Basically, we took the longer, curvier path to a
law degree.
When my daughter started having her first seizures, I
once again considered dropping out of law school. I
didn't know what her future held, so I felt anxious
about my ability to do the course work. Instead of
dropping out completely, I withdrew for a semester.
That decision enabled me to take the time I needed to
sort things out. Again, it meant taking a much longer
time to complete my degree. But as the Admiral says,
"success depends on your ability to alter your
approach slightly to accommodate some of the realities
with which you must deal."
After graduating, it was time to take the Bar Exam.
Things were very unsettled with my daughter's health.
I knew it was not the right time to take on a full-time
professional commitment. I postponed taking the
exam until things were under control on the homefront.
When my path finally approached the Bar Exam one
year later, we had three children, and were expecting
our fourth. After passing the exam, I had to decide
what my professional fate would be. I considered
working for a firm or taking a judicial clerkship. These
options sounded very exciting to me. A dream come
true, actually. But, the prospect of being gone from
the four children for that much time left me feeling very
uncomfortable.
So, once again, altering my course was the solution.
Instead of working for someone else, I decided to
start Special Ed Moms, and stay at home!
My path to marriage, family, and a legal career has
been lengthy, circuitous and indirect. Surprises and
developments in my life have caused me to take many
detours along the way. In the words of Admiral Ellis,
I have indeed, "altered my course" to deal with life's
"realities." But, I have loved my journey. And the
"realities" causing the twists and turns have been the
best parts!
"It's not bravery. It's a question of
doing what you have to do. You
can go ahead with what you're
doing or you can run away."
-Suu Kyi
doing what you have to do. You
can go ahead with what you're
doing or you can run away."
-Suu Kyi
| Mom's Perspective... |
Many parents of children with special needs have
heard some well-intentioned person say, "I could
never do what you do. You're so brave." I've heard
it, and I'm sure I'm not alone.
A few years ago, a friend was with me during one of
my daughter's seizure episodes. Afterwards, she told
my mom, "Maureen was so brave." I found that sort
of strange.
What is brave about sticking by your child during her
moment of need? It's not a question of bravery. As
the saying above goes, it's just a matter of doing what
you have to do. It's simply a matter of being a mom
(or dad). We love our children and we do what it
takes. .
During each difficult time, we have a choice. Do it, or
run away. Fight or flight. We are certainly not going
to run away from our children during their times of
trouble. We stick to it and fight. True, sometimes we
are numb while we fight. Sometimes we are only
there in body, and even that just operates on
auto-pilot. But, we are there. We do what we have
to do.
I know people mean well when they comment on our
"braveness." I know they have good intentions. So, I
just say, "Thank you. But it's not braveness. It's just
love."
heard some well-intentioned person say, "I could
never do what you do. You're so brave." I've heard
it, and I'm sure I'm not alone.
A few years ago, a friend was with me during one of
my daughter's seizure episodes. Afterwards, she told
my mom, "Maureen was so brave." I found that sort
of strange.
What is brave about sticking by your child during her
moment of need? It's not a question of bravery. As
the saying above goes, it's just a matter of doing what
you have to do. It's simply a matter of being a mom
(or dad). We love our children and we do what it
takes. .
During each difficult time, we have a choice. Do it, or
run away. Fight or flight. We are certainly not going
to run away from our children during their times of
trouble. We stick to it and fight. True, sometimes we
are numb while we fight. Sometimes we are only
there in body, and even that just operates on
auto-pilot. But, we are there. We do what we have
to do.
I know people mean well when they comment on our
"braveness." I know they have good intentions. So, I
just say, "Thank you. But it's not braveness. It's just
love."
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